Back in Rochester

I am back in Rochester for a couple weeks. The intent is to continue clearing out the folk’s house, and help with the folks as much as possible. I had gotten a great fare on Lufthansa into JFK, but then hadn’t found a good connection from there to Rochester, so I booked a US Airways flight out of La Guardia. I got into JFK on Monday the 31st in great time, arrived a bit early and zoomed through customs. I was thinking that I could make the Jet Blue flight, just blow off the transfer to the other airport and the fare - and I should have! Instead I got the bus to La Guardia to find my flight had been delayed. It was supposed to take off at 10 p.m., I didn’t end up leaving until midnight. That made for a very long day.

On Tuesday the 1st, I went over to visit with Mom while Dad went to a doctor’s appointment. Got there around 11, Mom was still in bed. It took about an hour to chivvy her into getting dressed, and we went to lunch together. Her dementia has really progressed. And it’s bringing out a ‘victim’ side to her personality - everything that is wrong is external. For example, she says that the washing machine is leaving rust stains on things. Well, no, it’s her leaving stains on clothing & sheets. Andrea, my angel saint sister-in-law discovered this last Friday, and wouldn’t go along with the cover story. She said that she & Mom had a fight about it, but Andrea was not about to let Mom sleep in soiled sheets. So Mom got to vent, which was cathartic (but she won’t remember it.) I guess Mom also expressed dissatisfaction with her life, but when pressed, couldn’t say what it was that she had wanted that was missing. At this point we don’t know if she is expressing what she’s thinking or what the disease makes her think. It’s very weird to try and be cordial with her while not believing much that she says. She’s all over the place temporally when she talks, so she could be describing an event that happened many years ago, or an event that she thinks happened that didn’t. Mom was very sweet during my visit. At the end, she said “Did you see what Carole sent me?” and showed me the birthday card I had sent her from Germany, in July. I didn’t have the heart to ask her who she thought I was at that point.

Dad is looking better. They both are seeing a new doctor who is a geriatric specialist, and also at the Park Ridge hospital, on the campus where they’re living. So it’s easier to get to the doc and he really knows how to talk with them and pull info out of them. He’s changed their blood pressure meds and we think that’s why Dad looks better - Dad’s off the hydrochlorothyozyme (or how ever you spell that!) which is a strong diuretic. So Dad’s face looks fuller, his breath is better and weirdly, swelling in his legs is way down. We had thought the swelling was due to heart problems but it seems not.

The new doc also told Mom that she needs to eat & drink more. She’s back down to 95 pounds as she’s staying in bed through breakfast and sometimes not getting up for lunch. She really fights Dad on anything so he doesn’t push too hard. We are thinking it’s time to get an aide in the mornings to get Mom dressed and moving. That will be one of the things that I will work on while I’m here, reinforcing to them that it would be a help. This is mostly addressed to Dad, if we can coach him on how to get Mom to accept it, they will both benefit.

After I left the folks I did some banking, and then went to Wegmans. What a delight that it, after shopping in Germany for months! Wegmans is Whole Foods combined with Draegers with the best sub shop (those are sandwiches, for those not from the Northeast), donut shop, bakery and drug store. I stocked up on our vitamins, got wax paper & paper lunch bags (they don’t have these in Germany, they have parchment paper and kids go home for lunch), some spices and socks. Yes, socks! I was amazed to find them but thrilled as that is one more side trip I don’t have to make. I’m wearing through socks fast, doing lots of walking in my heavier boots.

Got back to Greg & Andrea’s around 4 and forced myself to stay awake until 9. It takes me a while to get over the jet lag, although my 25-hour day the day before helped to force me to synch up.

Yesterday, Andrea and I went to the campus where Mom & Dad are, and looked at the complex that offers a higher level of care. We want to be prepared if the folks suddenly need it. It’s a great community that this health group has built. There’s Woodland Village, where the folks are, that offers assisted living - apartments, lunch & dinner in the dining hall, and aides as requested (and that is an extra charge). There are about 120 rooms there. The Hamlet, across the parking lot, offers 3 meals a day and aide service is included - they bring medications at the proper times, and help with dressing & bathing, and bring people to activities. There are about 30 rooms there, and we got the folks on a waiting list just in case we need to move them.

Then Andrea & I went to the folks house. Did some more clearing out of the obvious. The problem is becoming that there’s still a lot of stuff left that we don’t want to toss or donate, at least just yet. So we have to find places for the stuff. My other brother John & his wife Amy are coming in next week to look at the stuff and might take some - there are lots of vases, candleholders, tablecloths, etc. left that are quite nice.

I will go back to the house today and gather up a pile of papers & boxes and boxes of slides (remember those, instead of photo prints Dad got slides) to take to storage at the folk’s place. Last Friday Andrea took the folks over to the house to see if they wanted anything more from it, and Dad had her make that pile. But with them and his walker in the car, you’ve got no room to move stuff. I will also grab the old tax returns and financial papers from decades ago, and take them to a walk-in shred place that I found on the web.

We could bring them back to G&A’s for a bonfire - the weather has been beautiful, it was 45 degrees and sunny yesterday - but it’s too hard to manage all those papers in a fire. And it might rain today. But it’s better than snow! I am hope for good weather until I leave, they have had a very mild winter so far.