Update

Well, progress has been made. Mom has been in the dementia care place for almost 3 weeks now, the aides have her pretty well figured out. They are coaching her on using a walker, and getting her out of her room for activities. Dad visits her every other day or so, for 2 to 3 hours and the visits are pretty good. Mom doesn’t always know him, but she’s usually nice to him which is a big victory over her anger and caustic tone with him the last week weeks that they lived together. We're moving Dad to be closer to her this weekend, into an assisted living facility just across the parking lot from where she is.

Mom’s birthday was Tuesday, we just showed up after lunch with a couple presents and cake. Telling her anything in advance leads to severe anxiety - she cries that she doesn’t have clothes for the occasion, she frets and doesn’t sleep, So, no more advanced notice. The facility had a conference room for us, decorated with balloons and a festive tablecloth. We first celebrated with cake, which she ate with her fingers. Wow - if she could see herself, she'd be appalled. It's very hard to see her this way.



Dad is better now that he's not the full-time caregiver, but he is declining too. I’m noticing some short-term memory lapses. But he is looking better now that he’s getting good sleep again, and not living under constant criticism. We think Mom knew something was wrong, but not what, and it made her very angry.

In preparing for Dad’s move, have been sorting through old stuff from both their families, trying to make sense of it and compress it. I have been reading letters from my Grama's best friend to her. I feel like I never got to know my Gram, and sometimes I feel such loss that it's hard to breathe.

Dear Lucy Jo,

I never met you but I have come to know you through pictures of you and your friends, including your best friend, my Grandma Flo, and your letters to Flo. I love your sense of humor, and the poems you sent Gram. The pictures show a sparkle in your eyes and it looks like you two had a devil of a time when ever you got together. Your correspondence lasted decades - as you and Gram had children, and they had children. You were always supportive and reading your letters has lifted my spirits as I’ve been sorting through the family memorabilia. I hope to treat my friends as well as you did yours.